I am sad in a way most people could not understand. I wanted four kids. I loved being pregnant and having babies. With us carrying a genetic disease my hopes for another baby nearly dissipated. There was always the possibility of artificial inseimination by donor or invitro with healthy embryos. These ways have been beyong us financially.
I sad to give up hope. I'm sad to be aging out of the getting pregnant age. I'm sad to see my options wither away.
I am having such a difficult time accepting I'll never have a newborn of my own again. Being a grandparent is so NOT the same.
I don't kow what to do but go one with my life pushing through each day and hoping this sadness slowly dwindles away.
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Brennan Reed 1995-1996
4 comments:
It isn't the same (being a grandparent), I'm sure, but you will love it.
I'm sorry you've had to let go of one of your dreams.
I was following the blogger ID from a comment you left, I dont think this was a blog I was supposed to stumble on .. I feel like I walked in on a most private moment of grief. My heart feels for you.
I wanted four too :-) For me it was difficult c-sections and advancing age. Now that I have two, I'm afraid to put my safety at risk.
I know how you feel - whenever I hold my friend's newborn, I long to have another one too...
Oh how your blog has broken my heart. I wonder how you aurvive such pain for yours is greater than the pain I talked about I am sure. I can only say that we learn to carry our sadness and regrets with us but that they get lighter the stronger we become in time. You are too raw still but it does get so very much better in time even though you feel that it never will. Hugs dear lady.
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