Oh my dear Brennan,
I have come to terms with your death. Finally. Fifteen years after the fact.
I am grateful for the grace of God who's allowed me to realize while you are gone from my current life, you WILL be with me in the afterlife.
You never had to suffer the hardships that come with losing your innocence.
You never had to suffer humiliation and embarrassment. And me, being the over involved mother that I was, would have embarrassed you at some point. I delighted in activities like chaperoning junior high dances. While your brothers secretly enjoyed me being there, they acted like it was their worst nightmare. Haha. I kinda reveled in that.
So now instead of mourning you I embrace the joy you brought to me.
I embrace the lessons I have learned in the past 16 years. Having you in my life has made me a better woman. Losing you has made me a better Christian. Everything thing about you since conception had taught me so much about the heights of joy and the depths of despair.
I have been lifted out of the despair.
Only joy is left.
I will reunite with you on the plains of Heaven.