Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Darkest Night

My baby boy, how I miss holding you in my arms, against my chest. I miss hearing you breath, I miss feeling the weight of you as I rocked.

Some days are dark with loneliness and Christmas time is particularly difficult. I cannot get into the spirit even almost 13 years after you slipped away to heaven.

I have fallen into the darkness again. You'd think I would have a handle on this but it just doesn't work that way.

Maybe I am psychologically dysfuctional. They call it dysfuctional grieving in my nursing diagnosis list. Phatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt to them. No parent ever stops grieving for their lost children. No one.