That first night in NICU seemed to last 124 hours instead of 12 hours. The neonatalogist in charge that month, Dr. Straandjord took time to talk with me and explain any questions I might have. This doctor who was doing a quick Saturday round spent a half hour with me. He was so kind. I'll never forget how he made me feel. My baby was important, our family was important and we were people not case numbers. Dr. S made one of the best impressions as an attending of all the doctors we eventually went through. I will thank him profusely one day for taking 30 minutes away from his family to make me feel more comfortable and less scared.
Later, the attending neurologist, Dr.Snarl, came in with 6 of his residents. He wanted me to leave but I asked to stay. He grumbled I could say as long as I didn't interrupt his rounds (pompous ass). Bren was still drugged into an unconscious state and there were more tests ordered. This was the beginning of the collective minds of UW Medical School and Childrens Hospital scratching their heads and going, "HUH? This kid presents atypical and we be clueless." It would have been amusing if I still had a sense of humor, which I didn't at this point. The all followed their guru to see other patients.
If one has to go into a teaching hospital I have two pieces of adice: NEVER go in the month of July~all the interns and residents are brand new and clueless. Next try not to get admitted on the weekend. The special labs are slower, in fact all labs are slower but that's ok because most docs aren't in on the weekend.
I did use one of the small rooms on the third floor to store my stuff, try and sleep Saturday night(I fell asleep after 72 hours of being awake and there was fire drill at 2am.) I was sure God hated me now! They had strob lights in every room including my closet. Scared the hell out of me. I had gotten 45 minutes of sleep. That was all she wrote.
So much of this experience reminds me of how they torture prisoners; no sleep, lights on 24/7 in ICU, the monitors beeps constantly and it was live being trapped in a sesory deprovation tank but with light, noise and sound. There were no tvs in NICU so I was completely out of my usual newspaper, news shows, HNN world.
I'll be writing in here when I have the time and the stamina. The story will continue, just at random intervals. If the muse hits I'll be in here in a flash. Thanks to all who who read this. I heart you.
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5 comments:
I thank God for doctors like the first Dr. S. who took the time, really talked to you, understood that you were a mother in distress, in total fear and treated you with kindness and respect. Would like to kick the ass of the second Dr. S. and his students, who treated you like a number in a rotation, instead of a mother, with a very sick child. I can't believe you said you could stay "if you don't get in the way." What an ass, and he is teaching others? I don't care how many people he has to see in his rounds, there is a thing called common sense, kindness, empathy, respect, consideration......how awful. Lack of sleep, your child lying next to you so very sick and a fire alarm, complete with flashing lights? Oh, my God, how awful!!!! I just can't believe the hospital would not take care of the parent too, of such a sick child. Your in shock, you feel powerless, your heart is being ripped out and you are basically alone. To top it off, for the most part, the doctors really aren't talking to you or telling you much.....Plus, you have 2 sons at home....Total overload and so little support. It just breaks my heart to hear this, yet I am so glad you are writing about these memories. I am sure they are with you, like it happened yesterday. I believe you will be such an amazing nurse because of all you went through with Brenan. Your sensitivity to other people shines off your blog.
Love.
Eileen~you just summed up in a few short sentences what I have been trying to convey about this first visit to the hospital. They did not take care of me. It was the weekend. Silly Brennan, he should have waited until Monday before his brain started falling apart...Our next experience with Childrens began on a friday 2 weeks into the future. Most of the child neurologists that I had experience with were cold and professional and I wondered why they were in pediatric medicine?
I'm glad your first doctor was kind. Too many doctors these days are like the second one and it's so wrong.
Hiya I have just found your blog from mybloglog.
I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through and there are no words to console you. As a mother of two toddlers myself I cannot even bear to think of the agany that you have been through. I am sorry if I dont make much sense but I am sat here with tears streaming down my face. My heart really goes out to you and your family. You are a strong lady and I really commend your courage in starting thid blog to remember your beautiful baby boy. I am sending love to you and your family
My heart goes out to you. I understand the devastation of losing a baby. I also know how cruel and uncaring some medical professionals can be.
I've only just found your blog but I wanted to you to know that I am thinking of you and Brennie.
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